but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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