Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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