nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
