Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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