I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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