Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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