im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
