I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
