you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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