I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
