I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
