He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
