Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
