Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
