All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
