Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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