apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
