I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
COCAINE IS GR8
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