I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
