I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
