I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
