look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
