Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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