So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
