This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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