Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
NoShamevember. You game?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
