Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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