ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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