I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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