I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
