Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
