Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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