and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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