Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
