he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
