then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
