i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just had sex bonerless
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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