You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
