So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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