This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
