i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
