I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
