Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
