I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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