You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
