I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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