Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
