it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
