i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone