I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
