before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
