He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
