question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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