Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
