note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
