Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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