I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
