$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
