I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
