community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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