This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
