Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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