someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
