I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
