I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
