I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did I show you my penis last night?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
