Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
