This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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