yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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