So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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