so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
