Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
