I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
