What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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