Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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