ugly people sure do ruin things
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
