he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
not ubering you a puppy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
