walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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