I wanna bring you to show and tell
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Randomize
