Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
