my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
