My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
