Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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